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New sports for the Summer Olympics
Friday, August 08, 2008
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The Summer Olympics started in Beijing on Friday, and I’m having some trouble getting excited about the spectacle this time around ... too many pro athletes, too many endorsement deals and too many sports that have passed their prime.

I think I have an idea to liven things up a bit, an idea from the Winter Olympics. Create at least one, if not a series, of summer biathlons.
In the winter games, biathlon has the athletes cross country ski, come to a dead stop, fire a rifle at various targets, and ski off again.

I’ve heard comedians say things like in Austria, this is not a sport, it is a way to find dinner. In the U.S., this is skiing’s version of road rage.
How about combining two existing Summer Olympics sports and make a biathlon?

Here are a few ideas that might give us reasons to tune in to tape-delayed broadcasts of new sports:
Greco-Roman wrestling and rhythmic gymnastics. Put the gymnasts on the mat two at a time, have them spin their silky ribbons over their heads for 30 seconds, then stop and wrestle each other for one round, all the while keeping the ribbons spinning so prettily.

Award two points for an escape if the ribbon can wrap around the opponent’s legs and trip them.

100-meter dash and javelin. Come out of the blocks holding the javelin, throw the spear at 20 meters. Winner is the one who beats the javelin to the finish line without being impaled. A half-second deduction for impaling someone in a different lane.

BMX and fencing. What you have here, basically, is jousting on a kid’s bike. Ride full out towards your opponent, go flying off a dirt ramp and then try to stab your opponent with a foam Star Wars light saber, or go Ben Hur and jab the stick into the bike’s spokes. Apologies to Napa’s Donny Robinson, the Gold Medal favorite in BMX in Beijing.

Triathlon and judo. Swim 2.4 miles, bike 112 miles, run a marathon ... then kick someone’s butt. Could be the most interesting finish of them all.

Cycling and doping ... oh wait, that’s been done to death, hasn’t it?

My thanks for Michael Dashiell of the Sequim Gazette in Washington State and Kelly Doren of the Register for kicking in some ideas here.

Dan Ross is the Register’s Multimedia Producer. He writes a weekly column on local, state, national and irrelevant topics when he’s not busy proving he has too much time on his hands. He can be reached at 256.2264 or dross@napanews.com.
4 comment(s)

SFpop wrote on Aug 8, 2008 5:14 PM:

" "No one ever says 'It’s only a game' when their team is winning."
-George Carlin "

Rich wrote on Aug 14, 2008 2:09 PM:

" Ummm, is this supposed to be funny?
Frankly speaking, I would be embarrassed to have my name on that column "

NVR-Dan Ross wrote on Aug 14, 2008 2:25 PM:

" Rich:
I'm not embarrassed at all, thanks for speaking frankly... "

Maya wrote on Aug 15, 2008 5:18 PM:

" I'm cracking up here! "

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